Interpreting Finger Gestures

After reading my last story someone asked me what, exactly, did I mean when I said I offered a gesture indicating the other driver was "number 1", obviously wondering whether I had flipped him "the bird". Without wanting this inquisitor to think I used that gesture flippantly (no pun intended), I quickly answered "no" and with my forefinger, demonstrated that I literally indicated he was "number 1".

Later that night I was reflecting on that experience and began to second guess myself. Was I sure I didn't flip him off? After all, that was a long time ago and I can't say I'm incapable of presenting the middle finger. Furthermore, I did fully admit that the experience made my blood boil.

No... After much thought and introspection (yes, I do spend time thinking about such things), I concluded that I did not, in fact, use the middle finger. Here's how I came to that conclusion - Please, come into this demented mind of mine.

There was a time in my life, when I was much younger of course, when anyone flipping me the bird would have made me explode with anger. I know what you're thinking... "but, Dwighter, why would you let such a little thing get under your skin like that?" - Okay, fair question... but I didn't think it was such a small thing. To be perfectly frank, flipping the bird from the safety and security of your car when you're driving down the street, to me, is one of the biggest cowardly moves of all time - I mean, if you have the stones to be that offensive (and I do think flipping the bird is highly offensive) then have the brass to do it to my face... put your money where your mouth is... or your finger, as the case may be. But, people aren't typically that courageous. I know, because I've challenged, a couple of times, those who have offered their fingers to me, to let me see it up close and personal. The response was usually the same - "oh, crap... I'm outta here."

One time, while I was on a date (no, I didn't do this to impress the girl), I was driving my jeep around a corner in a movie theater parking lot, when, apparently some guy in a smaller car thought I turned too wide, thereby impeding his travel. So, he did what many brash young fellas do and acknowledged my existence with his finger - the middle one, of course.

As quickly, it seemed, as his finger had been retracted, my emergency brake was depressed and I had one foot out the door. In almost the same amount of time, he confessed his cowardice and sped his little car away. My point, exactly!

Now, here's where I admit that not every scenario went down like that. There was another time when someone did back it up... much to my chagrin. I was driving down the road late at night, in my jeep, but this time by myself (see, it wasn't just to show off to a girlfriend). As I passed through an intersection, the driver of the car next to me flipped me off and then sped up and cut in front of me. Not knowing what I could have done to inspire such an act, I was incensed.

In the classic style of road rage, I proceeded to ride his bumper as if our cars were kissing. He'd tap his brakes, I'd get a little closer...

This continued until he came to a dead stop - in the middle of the busy highway. In the words of Eugene Struthers, I had just taken this to "a whole nutha level".

I started to get out of my jeep as I watched him exit his car. I had just encountered a man who reminded me of Lenox Lewis... large and in charge! I knew instantly that I was in over my head. But I was in, and I couldn't see how to back out. We exchanged words as we slowly began walking toward one another.

I wasn't sure how this was going to turn out, until, to my relief and comfort, a highway patrol approached, flashing his lights. Finally, a time when I was glad to see the fuzz.

My presumptive boxing opponent and I quickly exchanged a few more words to the effect of "learn how to drive" as we both entered our vehicles and drove off...

Alright, I fully admit that getting into such an engagement over a finger gesture is rather silly... if not outright dangerous - but the bird is still highly offensive to me and it still ticks me off when people do it from a safe distance, only to run away.

But I'm certain I didn't flip off the trucker on the way to San Francisco.